shyness and dating: I want your opinion

[jennparks99 (deleted)]

I am a shy person and a columnist who writes about relationships. I've decided to write about shyness and dating, since I've always had a problem with being comfortable around people I'm attracted to.

I would like to connect with someone who wouldn't mind sharing their thoughts on the pros and cons of being shy in today's dating and singles world. You don't have to share your name and won't be identified in my story.
I realize that people may not respond because they're shy, so it's a bit of a catch 22, but if you'd be more comfortable just communicating over email about this, as opposed to having a phone conversation, that would be OK.

Consider this a way to help thousands of other shy singles out there, give them tips, hope and the message that they're not alone.
I hope you will consider talking or writing to me. Sincerely, Jennifer

[avpdman361_PREV (deleted)]

Dating is Hell. I don't know a better way to put it.

[rocky556_PREV (deleted)]

Hi, Jennifer. I read your columns regularly in the local newspaper. In fact, I found this site from your last column.
It seems as though everything you read is either geared toward couples, or too generic to be of use. There is regularly dating advice somewhere, but it's always the same thing: join a club, get a hobby, talk to friends and meet their friends, yadda yadda. But the odds are still against the active dater, especially when they get chronologically older, i.e. late 30's or 40's. By then there are few clubs with a lot of singles (women, in my case), hobbies are solitary persuits or an unchanging circle of friends, and of course by this time most friends are married.
And the odds are against us. Sure, single guys can meet single women, IF we are in the same city, IF we happen to be in the same location, IF we happen to meet, IF we can overcome our shyness at that moment to chat, IF we happen to be in the mood to meet someone... it can go on and on.
I can understand why single people my age are pretty pessimistic. There just is no easy way to do it, no really neutral place to meet, no place where you KNOW singles are present. How do I know that the woman I just said HI to isn't some fellow's wife or girlfriend just having a night out? How do I know what she likes or what she's looking for? How can she tell what kind of person I am without HOURS of non-stop talking? And even then, a person can say anything, truth or not, to get what they want.
And BANG, there goes the trust.
It's a lot more difficult for Canada's military members. In the East, being in uniform isn't something to be proud of. In the West, Canadians make us feel very proud and honoured.
But finding someone to share a life with is nearly impossible. The only chance we have is to gamble to beat the odds of all the hurdles previously mentioned, AND find either a military brat, another single military member, or that VERY rare pure civilian person that is willing to take on the adventure of a military lifestyle. And giving us a reason to come home after a hellish tour.
Many of us have given up. Personally, I'm just living and working one day at a time, not looking forward to retiring alone, and attempting anything and everything to try and meet someone.
And not having any luck.
Isn't that all it really is?


Rocky the Truck
Proud Member of Canada's Army

[iamshy_PREV (deleted)]

Its very true! dating is hell. There is no other way of putting it.

[cuted]

I think if you are a shy person looking for a normal & GREAT relationship with a wonderful person... you are NOT given half the chance that they should or if you will...the chance you believe you deserve. I have found that being a shy gal or in someone elses case "a guy"...shyness is taken as a sign of weakness... eventhough that person that is doing the "judging has not taken the time to get to know "you" or better yet to even look your direction ...all is based on the "appearence" of things.

At least this has been my experience....and it really SUCKS. I happen to think that if folks took the time to get to know someone...i.e ME they would be pleasantly surprised.

I'm Just say'n!!

Us Shy Folk need Love too!

[seaonvacation]

i'd have to concur that the whole dating thing can be a small piece of Hell itself . I'm sure for most of us here"Shy" is putting it lightly, just touching on the nervous ticks ,physical discomfort , sweating, stumbling for words to the contrived responses we can have in trying to be sociable in an extroverted world .
As non-risk takers in social settings trust is always a concern . So meeting someone in the "blind" is such an alien concept to people like me. So .. yep, the games of dating are Hell, But this site is a Godsend for us where we can have some insight into who and what we are and what we do , And just maybe we could find someone great to be with in life.

[aries88 (deleted)]

Hey - there are new people here!! This site has had so few members that I hardly ever come here anymore.

As for dating, I don't do it. I have trouble getting any woman to go out with me. I tried online dating, but that didn't work out so well. I did get a date with a woman, but she really loved college hockey which I hate. She also needed to lose lots of weight. She was nice enough, but I was not at all attracted to her.

[shybill2]

cuted wrote: I think if you are a shy person looking for a normal & GREAT relationship with a wonderful person... you are NOT given half the chance that they should or if you will...the chance you believe you deserve. I have found that being a shy gal or in someone elses case "a guy"...shyness is taken as a sign of weakness... eventhough that person that is doing the "judging has not taken the time to get to know "you" or better yet to even look your direction ...all is based on the "appearence" of things. I agree with every thing you say there cuted and your right it SUCKS
At least this has been my experience....and it really SUCKS. I happen to think that if folks took the time to get to know someone...i.e ME they would be pleasantly surprised.

I'm Just say'n!!

Us Shy Folk need Love too!

[groovyfunkster (deleted)]

Hi