How do you make friends after years of social phobia?

[(deleted)]

After suffering from social phobia throughout my teens and early twenties, finally over the past few years my confidence has grown. I enjoy going out a lot more. I'm holding down a job. Things are looking up in many ways. But how do make friends as an adult? It's like everyone already has their own circle of friends by this age. And people are naturally suspicious of anyone who doesn't have many friends. It just seems really hard to break the ice. And then there's the worry of having to explain your past to anyone new you meet. Explain social phobia to them. Anyone else have this problem?

Hmm... this post made more sense in my head... and it was worded better.

Imagine that this is a really well written, intelligent post full of mystery and wonder and you'll be somewhere close to the original

Dominic

[QUIETBEAUTYGODE_PREV (deleted)]

[deleted]

[timshere]

Friends are diffucult to make for most people.Dont be discouraged but keep trying.There is an old saying:To make a friend ,be a friend.I take that to mean,put yourself out for others,if they mention work at home or on their car volunteer to help.Eventually you will click with someone and make a life long friend.Good luck and be positive.

[noillusions]

yes it is hard to make friends when you've been shy for along time. I usually don't talk to people i'm not already associated with,and i'm sometimes out of the social scene a long time,from being aghoriphobic/(spelling) It takes some real effort,just remember they have faults and fears too,and when you see that we all have things in our daily life that on the average are pretty much the same,maybe this will help to put everyone on some common ground to start. good luck,

[tenor]

dominic77 wrote: After suffering from social phobia throughout my teens and early twenties, finally over the past few years my confidence has grown. I enjoy going out a lot more. I'm holding down a job. Things are looking up in many ways. But how do make friends as an adult? It's like everyone already has their own circle of friends by this age. And people are naturally suspicious of anyone who doesn't have many friends. It just seems really hard to break the ice. And then there's the worry of having to explain your past to anyone new you meet. Explain social phobia to them. Anyone else have this problem?

Hmm... this post made more sense in my head... and it was worded better.

Imagine that this is a really well written, intelligent post full of mystery and wonder and you'll be somewhere close to the original
Dominic

Im feeling you on that, Dom. Actually I didnt really develop social phobias until I was in my 20's. I always had friends when I was younger but it was because I lived in more open-minded environments (Europe, South America). When I got older, I became more self-conscious about everything and had a hard time fitting in with people around me. I was always the different one. The one who was considered weird. The only way I was able to make new friends was to move to a new environment and start over as the "new guy". If you're perceived a certain way in your environment, you'll always be seen that way because people in general, love to put labels on people. I thhink just finding a few friends who understand you can be more rewarding than being part of a large group where you feel you have to prove yourself to everyone. But if you feel you've totally shed your shyness, then you have to remember that you cant go back to being that person you were without raising some eyebrows.

[nov1509]

` I too feel as if I have been in a coma, or living in a cave since forever.
I have nothing in common with anyone, because I have never DONE anything. I know that others would find me boring since I have no 'life'.
I worry that if I ever do go on a date I'll need to learn the basics that even kids already know when they date in school.
I feel that the older that I get, the worse this situation will become.

[lostgrl (deleted)]

`hey honey...just break the ice with your happy smile and make new friends ...
no matter if you have teeth gap ..keep smiling no matter what

i don't have many friends .. only few friends and i love them.

[navrark (deleted)]

Well the OP has left Shy Passions by the looks of it, but I think I'll add my opinion anyway.

I think the best way is to find a group of like-minded people, and then be willing. I know I have done a good job of keeping myself away from being close to anyone, even though I've been around people with similar interests in the past. It's just a matter of be friendly and be willing and people will attach themselves to you naturally. Then as you notice they want to see you more and more, you/I have to decide to let them in, and not to keep them on the outside.