how to become part of society again

[fulltiltpops (deleted)]

So I don't know about anyone else, but my social situation was unfortunately through choice, and a choice I regret at that

I won't bore you with the details but after essentially juggling 4 different social groups several years ago and going through some kind of mental crisis I still can't explain, I ended up cutting ties with everyone except my parents and have spent the last few years in what I'm sure is a heavily depressed state.

Around the time all that happened I kinda became more self aware and because I no longer have the unawareness that saw me through many social situations, I now can't sit next to someone on public transport without worrying about an endless list of things from whether or not my hair is in place, to what I would possibly say if they ever spoke to me.

Despite having massive reservations about even answering the door to someone, I feel like I have to somehow find a way back into normal life. I've never really been a people person and I love living on my own but wow all these years of being pretty much entirely on my own has shown me that loneliness isn't all it's cracked up to be. I could never have a full social schedule or anything like that, I need a lot of space to myself but it would just feel good to hear someone's voice right now.

Once the shyness and anxiety has gone away I know that I am a good person to be around and I'm a good laugh, so i know I can make friends, the problem is forging relationships (I don't mean romantically I mean any relationship) or bonds, I can't let people in.

Sometimes I feel like if I had a friend already, then it would be easier to make new friends without me having to let them know they are the only people in the world I have got. Does that make sense?

So how can I get out of this situation? I don't need a million mates, I just need a small handful, maybe even just one person who I can share part of my life with. Even my parents live miles and miles away and I have no other family so I really don't know where to start.

One problem is that I work from home so I don't meet new people that way, someone once came up with the amazing suggestion that I "join a club" but really it's not that simple, in my opinion at least, especially when you struggle with meeting one new person let alone dozens.

Anyway if anyone ever reads this then thank you for getting this far at least, maybe drop a reply if you're feeling up to it! (Maybe be my friend while you're at it)

[shyfisher]

`Hello,
I read your message / question with interest and can relate to alot of what you have said. Maybe you are like me more Introvert ? I need alot of space too, but still need company at times as well. I however find socialising challenging / draining / difficult & like you have lost touch with people I used to know. I have anxiety issues too. I like more escapist outdoor pursuits like fishing, kayaking, photography, etc. where I do meet people, with a common interest which helps .But like you find it hard to let people in / get close & feel quite detatched at times. I have found councelling has helped to a degree, but is not a cure / answer to my problems. I do understand / am more aware of who I am though now. Still pondering what I want out of life & how then to achieve it ! At least its summer at present and the sun does shine occasionally ! Helping my mood and giving me more energy to cope. I dread winter [ SAD Symptoms ] ! Should probably consider a move abroad to a warmer sunnier climate ! but strangely do like this country & the changing seasons just wish winter was shorter. Some years it seems to last nearly 6 months !
I find relationships with women difficult too, due to the draining nature of having someone around a lot of the time. The idea of being married with kids would just fry my brain ! I do need my space !
So you are not alone with social anxiety, I intend to battle on to try & find ways through / round it . And try & find some contentment. good luck with your own journey with life.

Shyfisher.