In a relationship....Want vs need

[littlemsbaker]

Okay, so my boyfriend of 8 years and I broke up...several reasons, but the one we can't get past is that he decided that people in a relationship should not depend on each other or feel like they need each other. He claims they should only want to be around each other, but not need it.

I disagree. In theory (since I have no friends), I agree that in friendships, you should want to be friends, but you shouldnt feel like you need them. But I think a relationship, especially with the person you consider to be your life partner shoud be different. What is the point if you can't depend on them in tough times? What is the point if you cant BOTH provide love and support, make the bad times better and the good times wonderful. Have the person to share everything with, without fear of rejection or being told you are crazy? Shouldnt a relationship be symbiotic, where togeather both people are better/stronger/something more then the sum of what they each are alone? Is that so wrong?

He says I shouldn't NEED to be with him. I told him I dont. I can survive without him, but if I am with him, I NEED him to be there. Its not like its one sided. I do everything I can to support him. We sued to be on the same page until he became a Psych major and decided he shouldnt rely on people anymore.

I just want some peoples input. If you are in a relationship, do you WANT the person, or do you feel like you need something from them?

[malix210 (deleted)]

I'm sorry to hear that. I am not much of an authority on relationships but I would agree that you should need your partner to a relatively high degree, especially after being together for 8 years. If they truly don't miss you when you're not around then you shouldn't be in a serious relationship. People who act like their significant other is "out of sight...out of mind", in my experience, usually means they are cheating or might be inclined to down the road.

[softroses08]

`Here is my input,When one enter a relationship ,without friendship one can get ready for the storm.Let me explain I believe to make a relationship work one mush attain friendship first. You see being a friend first give that person a better insight to who you are and what it is you a seeking or looking for which would have taken care of the wants and need, To know just about were you stand in a relationship depend on how one approach it in the begin.The want and the need go hand in hand. They are so close until you could want and need in the same hour. Hear is a example. I want something to drink and yet i so hot until my want just became a need.OK I hope that help you with your next relationship just remember to attain friendship first and then you will have gotten a good thing

[ironwalk (deleted)]

`I'm hardly an expert either, i've been in one serious relationship in my entire life.

I guess i would need to know more before i could give a solid opinion.

I would Love for a woman to need me.. but i suppose there is a point where someone could need too much. As lonely as i am, i still need my personal space. If this imaginary woman was so clingy that she couldn't deal with *any* time apart, it would probably not work out.

[ironwalk (deleted)]

`lol Probably should have looked at the date of this topic. This woman is probably married with 3 kids by now.