Smarmcandy, 50

Shy aspiring family man seeks shy domestic-minded girl Hi! I'm just a shy, awkward guy who wants to settle down, have kids (no pets) and greatly simplify my life. And by that last bit, I mean that I would hate it if I had a child and they even for a moment had doubts as to what place they had in their parents' life. I'd rather not have them wondering where they fit in between Daddy's pointless home-improvement projects and visits to the bar and Mommy's never-ending quest to find the perfect floral pattern and do every leisure sport known to man. Whether or not they'd be boys, girls or strange half-human half-lizard hybrids like the ones on that show "V," everything I do would be for them. They would be my pride, my joy, and if they were half-human half-lizard hybrids, most likely my mortal enemy. Like the Hokey Pokey, that's what I'm all about. If you're not sure about what you want out of life or whether you want to date, that's OK -- I was like that for far too long myself -- but I may not be the one for you. The guy you want is Jeff; people mistake me for him all the time. Oh, that Jeff!

As for me, personality-wise, I'm rather absurd, if that's not already obvious. That is to say, if you talk with me, you run the risk of getting into an odd conversation about the time I was mistaken for a terrorist at a Richmond airport, or the time I cat-sit (cat-sat?) for some relatives of mine and promptly lost one of their cats, or even the time when my top was rudely removed by an aging British man and I retaliated by chasing him at double-speed through an English village. (Although that last one might have been an episode of "Benny Hill," come to think of it.) But don't let that fool you, I'm very serious. I've just never been able to resist the lure of the dopey joke, that's all. In the end, I'm sure it will be my downfall.

And while I am shy, I'm not on Paxil or any of that crap. I own my shyness...although I'm quite willing to rent it out for a reasonable fee and a security deposit. See my ad on Craigslist for details.