8fire2, 43

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I just want to pour my heart out somewhere ... among people who are as shy and withdrawn, as it seems I've become. Without a flood of contact which would undoubtedly give me the excuse to hide away ...yet again. I was not always a shy person who holds back on emotion/expression. Time changes people, it changed me. How to describe myself? I answer this with a quote, "Life is not complicated, people are". I do not believe someone can be with nor without vanity. I've yet to meet someone who truly has no sense of self. Rather, those who embrace it and those who deny it. My opinion stands the same for those who say they are without ego. I have little patience for anyone who spends the better part of their day judging others in a bad light. I think most people are interesting with a little appreciation of who, what and why they are. I am an aimless ponderer, soul searcher ... my heart rests where waters run deep. I don't look for love anymore as I truly do believe it is a divine form of "insanity". That and I have no desire to change who I am. Love is in an ideal world, supposed to be unconditional. 'Supposed' being the operative word. I have attracted those I'd never have guessed and been attracted to those I'd never have thought of, so go figure. To wrap up a soulmate into a neat little ball of descriptions and preferences seems wrong to me. Who and what is of no major concern. Someone liking the same things as I do or having the same thoughts is irrelevant. A connection though, is vital. I come from a painful past with a violent background making boundaries and self-control a stronger mission than the pursuit of love. I question most things though not out of defiance. More because I don't believe anyone could ever live long enough to learn all there is to 'know'. "He who asks questions is a fool for a moment, he who never asks is a fool for a lifetime". I come from an extremely spiritual background and am not a religiously devout person in the slightest. However, I strongly believe in respecting the beliefs of others. Everyone needs faith in something and far be it from me to take that away. I like writing. I especially like rereading what I've written after some time to see whether my thoughts and / or my understanding have changed. More often than not, it has. I get annoyed by those who take things too literally. Especially the whole, you are to blame for everything you've been through. Sure, I can blame myself for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. but I will not be held accountable for any pain someone else decided to inflict on me. I am fond of optimism but by the same token I am realistic. When something is bad or sad, it is what it is. Laying a 'brightside' blanket on something hurtful only seems to place a person's emotions, capped tightly inside of a bottle. I think things need to be exposed and not hidden away in order to properly deal with it. Much like it would do no good to hide a festering wound beneath a bandage. At some point, the wound must be uncovered and cleaned. And I know there are those who will be left with scars. I have a number of scars myself. But those scars ache nowhere near as much. I am not an ambitious person and care little for that which cannot be taken to the grave with me. I do not fare well with those who are. I like simplicity and I like nature as it is meant to be. Greed drains land and people dry. I strongly appeal to aesthetics making art and music a constant fascination for me. In general though, my opinions and thoughts should be taken as fickle as my perspective changes with time and events. I set very little in this life in concrete. If you do wish to make some sort of contact, please email/msg me. I don't like chatting at all. Makes for crappy conversation full of impulsive thoughts and leaving too much gone unsaid.